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Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

Irlam, England...
5 posts
1 review
Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

Hi, I'm a 21 year old female.

I've been looking at getting a working holiday visa for quite a few months now, and with everything I could plan in place I decided to tell my parents. At first they told me they're not 100% with it but they won't stop me, my dad has now told me he will 'put his foot down' and stop me from going. His reasons is my grandma (she's having a foot operation and is in a care home) and says I need to be here to help look after her, and that I don't have enough funds (I have over £2000 saved (5000aud).

I'm going to end up having a very big argument with him tonight and want to know your opinion on what you think I should do. He wants to to wait at least a year but I really don't feel I can. I'm not happy here anymore but I can't tell him that.

Any tips on what to say or do would be really helpful

Houston, Texas
Destination Expert
for Solo Travel
Level Contributor
18,428 posts
189 reviews
1. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

Sometimes I really need to think hard about what a travel-related question is or is not. Honestly, my response - you are 21 - you are an adult - if you cannot figure this out on your own without consulting a travel forum made up of complete strangers, then I'm not sure what else to say.

Level Contributor
32,218 posts
69 reviews
2. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

At 21 you are an adult and can do as you please.

But do you still live with the Parents and rely on them for "stuff"? If so, then maybe they do have some right to give you some rules and this could be a reason why they see you as child-like, still.

Do YOU really want to go off and leave Gran during this difficult time for her? I bet she has lavished fuss and care over you, hasn't she?

No doubt she wants you to live your life, but this is the time to show some of the maturity you profess....

I would wait until she has had her op, at least, then see how the land lies......

3. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

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Removed on: 18 May 2016, 19:35
Irlam, England...
5 posts
1 review
4. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

Thank you for post #2, I still live with them but I am otherwise independent, I don't rely on them for food, travel, money... Just a roof over my head. I love my grab but she's known about what's happening with her so she is prepared with my parents and other family members

Level Contributor
32,218 posts
69 reviews
5. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

You asked for opinion, no one is being rude.

Your response #3 indicates to me that you still have much growing up to do.

Maybe your Dad is right....

Edited: 18 May 2016, 17:46
Amsterdam, The...
Level Contributor
16,943 posts
6. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

Your original posts sounds a lot like you're trying to escape 'something', after all you say you are no longer happy there.

But you can't escape yourself, even at the other end of the world. You will bring yourself with you and may not escape what you're trying to get away from at all.

An ex of mine went traveling after we broke up, to try and forget / get over it. Ended up breaking the journey short, it wasn't working. Brought their sadness with them.

For me a good reason to travel is really wanting to see and experience that other country and its people. Not 'being unhappy' at home.

Level Contributor
1,533 posts
45 reviews
7. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

I think that without truly knowing you and your family, it would be almost impossible to give real advice. Especially with families a lot of the times people think/say that they are arguing about a specific thing like a trip but maybe the real argument is about other things (past disagreements, fears about the future, anxiety about money, etc. etc.)

This may sound silly, but my advice would be to go to a library or bookstore and look through some books about handling difficult conversations or negotiations. These could be in the self-help section or in the business section. There are techniques that people can use during contentious negotiations to try to get at what is really bothering the other person, and state your own position in a way that doesn't let emotions get in the way. A lot of the advice in these books can be learned just through "life", but if you need some help in a hurry that is one resource you can use.

r c
Portland, Oregon
Level Contributor
10,039 posts
1 review
8. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

heres my take on this.

youre only issued one Original family. You can adopt different ones and they can you, but there is only one original family.

Your parents are first and foremost parents. They will probably and forever do or say things you may not like to hear, but they are your parents. Im sure you parents have reasons for wanting you to stay and if what you say is true, then im sure its just as easy as they want you to help.

AUS is not going anywhere. Your dad wants you to wait a year - is that so bad.?

Are you not happy because they dont want you to go (now) or are you not happy overall?

Wales, United...
Destination Expert
for Bargain Travel, Cruises, Swansea, Cardiff, Carmarthenshire, Neath, Port Talbot
Level Contributor
75,761 posts
478 reviews
9. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

My own view of this is that you're an adult and you can make your own decisions, but part of being an adult is knowing when to compromise for the sake of other people's feelings. Nobody can stop you from doing what you want to do. But at the same time if it's going to cause upset to you and to other members of the family, then why not postpone the trip, at least for a short time, and see how things go.

Perhaps what you really need is to get a place of your own?

Irlam, England...
5 posts
1 review
10. Re: Convincing my parents I'm really going to AUS

Thank you for all your messages, I'm only unhappy at home now because i want to go abroad and i am not being allowed to do so. I was happy when they didn't know, i was planning to see all of AUS and travel and see what its really like there as a resident as its where i would ideally want to move to in the future. With all these arguments and discussions i just want to go now. My dad is a very strong willed man and what he says normally goes. I have put into consideration my family's feelings and opinions but honestly (and it might sound very selfish) but i still want to go. I fell i have everything planned that i can over here. When i get over there i have to find a job and somewhere to live permanently and i think this is what scares my parents. also if i don't get a job. My dad suggested that i only go over for 2 weeks but that isn't enough time for me to understand how to live and work in AUS, 2 weeks is just a holiday.

I understand all these problems and thats why i planned it all before i told them so i could have answers to give them, but now they aren't even listening to me and its just really brining me down now.

Thank you

Edited: 18 May 2016, 22:09
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