Dancing on my own: How to find connection on a solo vacation

As fun as it can be to travel with family, a partner, or a group of friends, there’s something special about solo travel. You get to take yourself on an adventure, one where only your wants and whims dictate how you spend your time. Go wherever, eat wherever, party the night away or go to bed early; your days are yours.

That said, while traveling alone can be freeing, it can also be isolating. With safety as your primary concern (especially if you identify as queer, a woman, or a person of color), it’s easy to stick to yourself. But, as I learned on a recent trip to London, just because you’re traveling alone, doesn’t mean you have to be lonely.

Without the comfort of a travel buddy, you have to engage with a place for company: its culture, its people, its vibe. Below, I’ve rounded up my tips for how to do just that, based on my experience in London. Use them and you’ll learn that, when you’re on a journey with your destination, you’re never truly alone.

I went to London in late June last year. When planning the trip, I didn’t realize I’d be visiting during Pride Weekend (I was just going for book research), but as a gay man, I was excited when I arrived and saw queer folks like me out in celebration. There’s built-in camaraderie during events like Pride or Mardi Gras, making them perfect for solo travelers seeking connection.

In the spirit of queer community, I met up with a man from Grindr for a nice dinner, after which he took me to the clubs in Soho for drinks and dancing. The entire night was a lovely reminder that dating and networking apps can actually be great tools for making friends while traveling. Be sure to meet in a public location and always trust your instincts.

If meeting people from the internet isn’t your cup of tea, then expand your network the old-fashioned way: by asking friends. They might know someone who lives in your destination that you could ask for recommendations, to show you around, or even to go out partying with you.

When I was in London, I asked a fellow author I knew from Twitter for lunch and we ended up spending a delightful afternoon together. We went to some local gay hotspots that were celebrating Pride and ended the day with a pint at his favorite pub. A little initiative can go a long way in making you feel socially stimulated when you’re traveling by yourself.

This one feels obvious, but it can be hard to muster up the courage to talk to strangers. What I learned in London, however, is that starting a conversation is sometimes as easy as smiling and saying hello.

On the Saturday of Pride Weekend, I spent the day at a gay bar, drinking espresso martinis, dancing to the Spice Girls, and talking to new people. I complimented everyone’s Pride gear (a leather fetish mask, among them), introduced myself to cute guys, and asked fellow travelers to dance. And I left feeling fully engaged in my new environment.

If bars and clubs aren’t your scene, go to a restaurant and chat up the hosts, servers, or chefs. At Sarap, a modern Filipino spot in Mayfair, I sat at the bar overlooking the open kitchen and ended up making conversation with the sous chef in Tagalog, our shared native tongue. Later, I went to Chishiru, where chef Joké Bakare presented me with each course of her contemporary West African menu. We got to talking and she ended up introducing me to one of her colleagues—a Filipino chef who had coincidentally come from Sarap.

These simple interactions reminded me that it’s a small world and that everyone—on a good day, and sometimes even on a bad day—just wants to connect. You’re never really alone, wherever you are in the world.

Not everyone is going to be willing to strike up spontaneous conversation, especially those who are socially anxious. If that’s you, put yourself in situations where community forms naturally, like a group cooking class, a walking tour with a guide, or even a hop-on, hop-off sightseeing bus.

Hitting the road alone when you identify as queer, a woman, or a person of color can be a fraught experience, no matter how adept you are at traveling. So, seek out ways to stay and play with people that make you feel safe. Maybe try a women-only hostel, or a Black-owned bed and breakfast. Or, as I did, spend most of your time in queer communities. Being open to new experiences doesn’t mean being unaware of your surroundings. Connect with them on your level and you’ll feel a lot more comfortable on your own.

There are plenty of things that are fun to do alone: visiting museums, thrift shopping, walking through parks, seeing a show. Choose one you love and you might just find people there who love it, too.

In London, I went to see the pop musical & Juliet on the West End, during which I laughed and cried unabashedly, as if the cast was performing only for me. When it came time for the audience to get involved, I was one of the first to stand up from my seat and dance in the aisles, prompting others to follow. We were all dancing on our own, with each other.

“When I’m out alone in a new city, I sit at the bar and ask the bartender what their favorite or most popular drink is, and then I ask the person to my left or right of me what they’re drinking. I’ve traveled from Paris to Berlin to Chicago by myself and I’m always pleasantly surprised by how friendly people can be. After all, strangers are just friends you haven’t met yet.” —Terence Edgerson, also known as @NYSocialBee, nightlife entrepreneur

“My favorite way to meet new people when I’m traveling solo—especially as someone who has social anxiety and isn’t a club or party-type person—is to go on walking tours. I’m really into artsy and historical stuff, so I’ll book something like a street art walking tour. I’ve met both solo and non-solo travelers this way, and the small group sizes combined with the fact that we obviously have a few shared interests makes striking up a conversation much easier and more fun. The tour guides themselves are also super friendly and will happily share a ton of useful tips.” —Pyae Moe Thet War, author of You've Changed

“I’ve had great luck on vacation using Grindr to solicit no-strings-attached recommendations for the local gay scene. When I landed in Glasgow, Scotland, desperate to boogie off the jet-lag, I messaged people asking about the best gay clubs. Someone recommended I attend the Morgan McMichaels drag show that evening at a popular queer venue, AXM. I bought my ticket and hit the town. At the event, I found it easier introducing myself to strangers because I knew most people were part of the LGBTQ+ community themselves.” —Gunnar Lundberg, cheesemonger