I think the subject just about sums up the overall and the most OVERWHELMING feature of this place. It literally, actually and really does feel like a public toilet when you reach the "place".

And I will call it the "place" in my review because actual hotel-owners might consider it offensive to call it a "hotel".

So, my travel agent had booked this as a transit hotel on my way to Singapore. And the agent is not just a neighbourhood chap, he's running the local office of a big & leading international travel agency. This agency regularly does "full page ads" in national newspapers and is probably one of the Top-3 tour operators in India.

The agent tells me this is a nice clean place in Mumbai and everyone who's stayed there has nice things to say about this place. And then that the hotel is in such hot demand because of year-end that normally the fare is Rs. 2500 but now its gonna be Rs. 3500 during the "season". So, anyway I paid for the place which included breakfast and airport pickup and dropoff.

On the way from the airport, we bypassed all the decent looking hotels and reached a crowded broken road with hawkers et all. We thought we were gonna cross it and reach a better place...but no way, this was it, bang in the "slummy" area.

And we couldn't even see the place, the driver turned into a small gate on a shabby office building and for second I thought "Oh god, we are being kidnapped"... but it turns out the place was ON THE BACK of this shabby commercial building. People, you have to digest this, the hotel was on the back thru a small lane, there is a godown and office at the front.

And we reached the place, there was a 5' x 2' board that said "Metro International" and we got out...and then it HIT US BAD. The stench, the unrestrained stench of URINE. The floor outside the place was WET...damn, I know why it was wet, but don't want to acknowledge or remember that.

So, we held our breath, my wife looked at me as if I had betrayed her trust... I felt small and useless in the world. I'd paid Rs. 3500 for a stay in a public toilet. Damn the stench and my money was damned anyway.

Checkout was fast and the staff polite, and they didn't smell. The rickety lift up was like a cupboard, we all squeezed in and manually closed the "iron gate". No sliding doors...that's in hotels!!

The room was a guesthouse room, I've stayed in guesthouses before (when I was poorer), this place was no hotel, IT WAS A GUESTHOUSE. There were 2 dirty, old PLASTIC chairs...not even wooden chairs. The color of the chairs can only be gotten by leaving out for weathering for maybe a year (maybe its second-hand plastic chairs??)

And the Double bed was actually 2 X single beds joined. The beds were wooden, but really bottom-of-the-barrel type. Same goes for a table (with the plastic chairs).

The bathroom was..well shabby. To put it summarily... neither of us took a bath in there. We decided we are cleaner off with the dirt & grime clinging to our bodies.

We ordered food (very daring of us) wondering how clean the kitchen was like, considering the rooms and the fact that we were staying in a toilet anyway. Anyway, we took our chances...and the food was terrible and I had a sore throat immediately afterwards. We crossed our fingers and prayed that it wouldn't kill us and we don't get upset stomachs.

Our prayers worked, and that was the best part of staying there. We were not kidnapped into that dingy lane, we did not die of the bad food and we did not have loose stomachs on our Singapore vacation. So, finally some good did come out of it... we made it out alive and well. And there's a Reality Show for you.

I have no summary on this place, my experience leaves no place for summaries.