Well well, what can we say here? The Fawlty Towers of Lake Garda. Imagine if the Brady Bunch lived in Switzerland in a hotel complex.

Firstly, it was built at some point in the 1970s. There is nothing you can do other than knock it down to make it look remotely more modern. There is a reception building (single storey, long sloping 1970s roof, wooden and stone panelling everywhere) and two other blocks – one with just rooms, the other with rooms and the dining room (ho ho more later). All three buildings look over the pool. The hotel is about a 5-10 minute walk down a very steep road to Garda village. At least you can walk off the pasta.

We stayed in the first block on the first floor not facing the pool, but looking out over the hills around lake Garda, the view was fantastic. However, you would not have wanted to be in the other block due to the incessant noise of the kitchen or on the ground floor of either block (no view).

We had booked a double room but got twin beds. The room had not been cleaned when we arrived, but after arguing with the cleaner for a little while with much arm waving on both sides, it was cleaned for us. The rooms are very basic e.g. fridge, not a mini bar and a major no-no was that the sheets were not changed once during a 6 night stay. (All for environmentalism but bleuurrgghh). There is no air conditioning; this must be unbearable when it’s very hot, thankfully we had decided to go away during the 6 days of rain that Garda gets in June. Bathroom very basic but fine.

Nearly all of the guests are retired German/Austrian couples, so most of the signs are in German, and people do come up to you saying, “Guten Tag, es regnet, ya?” Though Garda is like this generally too, it’s 80% German/Austrian, 15% English, 5% other.

The best two things about the place are the pool, which is 25.5 meters, in a lovely setting (one does expect a long-haired Eliot Gould to appear in flip-flops drinking a martini) and the staff who are extremely helpful. (They printed off train timetables and phoned around Chemists to see were they open for me.)

The two worst things about the place were (1) that the cleaner actually bursts into your room at 8.30am asking if you are up to clean and on her third entrance actually starts giving out. Eh. On. My. Holidays. Love. This is partly due to the fact that breakfast is only served until 9 o’clock and as previously mentioned most of the guests are German and are therefore (as I know from hearing them next door) are up at 7am to get the best breakfast Wurst available. Which brings me to (2), the worst breakfast on Italian Holidays ’08. Firstly, the tables appear to be reserved and we were pretty much interrogated when we sat down as to who we were and also, “Why did you not have breakfast yesterday??” Basically it’s rubbish in the most hideous dining room ever, what you do instead is mooch down to Garda, have a coffee, go on a walk, have your lunch and Bob is very much your uncle.

In summary, for the price it’s fine, the pool is great, the whole thing is quite comical provided you can see the comical side. Everywhere else looked reasonably similar in fact. Garda is fantastic, really beautiful. Most hilarious hotel of Italian Holidays ’08.

So depending on your sense of humour either 2/10 or 8/10.

Tired and dated, though was most likely OK in the 1970's, it would have been ideal as a training camp for East German athletes. Which reminds me, it was also 90 % German occupied whilst I was there.
The food was reasonable, in fact plentiful, though not really all that Italian.
On the whole, more of a two star hotel and there are better places in town, though of course they come with a price !

The hotel was reasonable, yet more of a 3 than 4* I believe. The decor and facilities are a bit tired and dated. The food was wholesome enough, and the fact that Italians stayed there shows you that it must be acceptable.
If you are going with children, make sure you bring games/ activities. All you've got there is a pool and tennis courts. Its a 15 min walk into Garda itself.

My husband and I stayed in this hotel for two weeks from 22 July. There are both good and bad things about this hotel.

Good: It is in a quiet location. The pool is a good size and it does have sports facilities if you are sporty. The food in the snack bar is pretty good. The service for evening meals was mostly good and the staff were friendly.

Bad: Our room was not what we would call 4*, as stated in the brochure. The whole hotel, our room included, looked as though it had not been refurbished since the 1970s. I would not mind if it was just the fact that it was dated, but when things get old they do fetch the standard down. The toilet and bidet both had huge cracks down the side. There was mould growing in several places between tiles in the bathroom, on the shower screen, encrusted round the tap fitment that had lost its top, and most awfully, growing in the shower head. We complained about the tap (which is the main thing we had noticed at first); it was never fixed. Also, the shower head was broken. Rather than fix it properly they put a gripper round the pipe, which was useless. There were also ants. Everywhere. Round the pool I can understand, but in your room? We mentioned this to the rep. I think they did put some ant powder or something down because it did ease up for about a week, but by the end of the holiday they were returning. There was a huge iron-shaped scorch mark in the bedding (surely you should just throw it away?!) Also, we do not find, in 35 degree heat changing the bedding once a week sufficient. The air con was not the most powerful going and the bed was itchy, as though it had bed bugs. Aside from the room, the food was okay, a bit repetitive, especially the desserts. But mostly it was eatable, if bland, but there was plenty of it. Just a note, if you order vegetables of the day, you don't get an extra dish with veg in it. You get one vegetable with your meat. This could be chips. Also, the salad bar was exactly the same choice every night, which got a bit boring. Furthermore, if you had written that you wanted soup (you have to write down what you want the day before) they sometimes forgot to put out a soup bowl, which then meant the waiter missed you. About the location: the hill is a killer. Especially if it is very hot like it was when we went it is hard going, and we are fairly young and active. But if you had been on a day trip (which pick you up and drop off at the bottom of the hill) it is tiring going back up, and you often don't feel like going back down to the front again after dinner as you know you will have to lug it all the way back up hill again. Finally, the pool. Many guests were putting their towels out to reserve sunbeds before breakfast. Some in the ground floor rooms were even taking beds for their terraces. This meant it was a struggle to get a sunbed from mid morning to afternoon. People were putting their towels out at breakfast and then not using the sunbed until 2pm. Highly annoying.

However, aside from this Garda itself is a beautiful place and there is scope to visit brilliant places like Venice, Florence, Verona (and the opera is good), and the Dolomites mountain range, so I would definitely recommend Garda itself, just not this particular hotel. Not unless it has a refurb anyway.