You may be hundreds of kilometers and three decades away, but once you enter the doors of the Schwarzwaldstuben in Lübeck's old town, you will feel like you have entered a quaint Black Forest inn, in the middle of the 1970's. The geographical part of this experience is certainly interesting, with all the typical yodeler and lederhosen-reminiscent style furnishings, but the problem is that you can tell it was all put in the hotel at least thirty years back, with that nice layer of wear and tear that only time can glue onto furnishings, walls and floors...and especially bathroom fixtures.

I did learn one valuable lesson at this Black Forest-esque lodging, however: don't ever decoratively paint the date of production on your hotel's furniture. Our room's armoire boasted that it had been either built or put into place with the year 1978 blazoned across the top, and from there on out, I could see 1978 written all over the place in invisible ink. There was a sofa that was crumbling to bits, the floors were covered with new industrial-looking throw rugs, probably to cover up old threadbare carpets. The wooden furniture looked like it was from the Pinocchio ride at the oldest Disneyland. And perhaps the worst of all were the towels, which, if they could speak, could probably reveal the secrets of literally hundreds, if not thousands, of tourist derrieres. You could tell these crisp and crunchy pink cotton rectangles had been washed and dried nearly to the point of petrification. And of course the garden-hose-reminiscent shower nozzle had no hook to be cradled in as you washed your hair and skin, leading to the usual cheap-hotel acrobatics often required while traveling budget.

Some of this was redeemed by a quiet room, a very well-stocked breakfast in a room whose tacky charm was accentuated by stuffed trophy animals and southern german kitsch. Some of the staff (more like a family, including the offspring) were friendly, others were not. So, if you are looking for luxury, this is not your spot, but it is right in the old town, if perhaps a few euros too many in price considering the low overally quality of this once-modernly-tacky and now retro-tacky establishment. I'll give it two stars for the cute napkins, as well, with the traditionally-clad Black Forest residents on them.