My heart sank the minute I saw the interior. No - let's be accurate - it was the minute I told the taxi driver at the Airport where we were headed. There was a flicker of something in his eyes which was pity, sympathy or perhaps "serves you right for looking down on my Renault when all the other taxis are Mercs".
You come in through glass doors but you are not actually moving through physical space. You are travelling through a time portal. Your peripheral vision takes in tables from the 70's with paper napkins, then a reception desk from a Carry On film. In a moment or two you are in your room - in our case, a group of 3 attending the Monaco Grand Prix - and it really hits you. Your instinct is to get out, to flee, to return to 2011 - because you are in the 1960's. This is when the last refurb took place. The evidence is conclusive. There is a James Bond device in the wall which doubles as an alarm clock and a message retrieval system. Messages from M, circa 1967, presumably. Shaken, you check out the bathroom, where the original linoleum - I am not kidding - is cracked and filthy. The paintwork was last touched up when She Loves You was topping the Hit Parade.
There was some consolation in the SMERSH quality air con which did actually work, Mouhaha and the bed linen was clean enough as were the towels. If you looked at the boxes to see if they were ticked - as I did when booking this place - it looks fair enough - air con, good location, pricey (for Monaco weekend the hotel was 100% full and we were paying 165 Euros per night). In reality this is a shocking hotel and the well-dressed and civilised people who seem to flock to it need to stay in a UK Travelodge to catch a glimpse of the future.
Breakfast was available but I would not feed my dog in this hotel and we ate out for the 4 days of our stay. On the 5th night of our trip we moved to a beautiful place in Eze which is nearby.
If you visit this area during the Monaco Grand Prix weekend you have to be prepared to pay outrageous prices. In paid £90 in Monaco for a pizza and two bowls of pasta and the grandstand seats for the race days were thousands of Euros. BUT I anticipated this and the quality of the place and the event was commensurate with the price asked. The Locarno charges high prices and in exchange gives you 1960s standards.
What is said in other reviews about prostitutes hanging around the time portal (sorry, front door) is correct.
Room Tip: Avoid the hotel in the first place
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This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC