First of all - the positives.
I have just spent a week at this hotel and it was perfectly comfortable, ideally located, and staffed by friendly people. It is a reasonable hotel and I would consider using it again.
The hotel makes great and legitimate claims re its age and history; and rightly so; and in so doing one could almost get the impression of a quaint old coaching inn with cosy ambience and great character; and this, sadly, is where you would feel let down.
I love old inns and pubs and would generally prefer them to modern, characterless hotels; and when I make such choice I am prepared to forgive creaky floors; old plumbing and the odd bit of faded decor. Such things are a price worth paying for cosy ambience. Sadly however the ambience of the Dolphin could not be described as cosy. The decor is tired, but I can forgive that. Unfortunately it is also unimaginably drab, which I can neither understand nor forgive. If you were to ask a selection of people to give you their ideas of the colour scheme for a quaint coaching inn they would likely come up with rich burgundies; golden yellows and pastel greens. They would also likely make mention of corridors and room walls festooned with old pictures; comfy old sofas and armchairs in the public rooms; occasional tables everywhere with interesting vases and bric a brac. Sadly you get none of this in the Dolphin.
It would appear that the company who own this hotel managed to get a job lot of dismal paint. It was such a good buy that they bought enough to paint the whole hotel with it; so everywhere you go you have some sort of fawn / grey colour on the walls, with dark brown highlights. Ambience is important with a hotel, but unfortunately the plain and drab decor throughout the Dolphin creates an ambience akin to a young offenders' institute.
This impression was heightened in my room with furnishings of the same genre; i.e. instead of a nice, spacious old wardrobe (or even a spacious new one!) I had what can best be described as a locker. I kid you not - this thing was about 10 inches wide and hardly able to contain more than a couple of shirts. I was actually in a double room - so goodness knows what we would have done if Mrs H had been with me with her dresses, skirts etc. Perhaps we would have had to make do with the nice old chest of drawers in the room? Sadly not - and all I had was a couple of shallow desk drawers and even smaller ones in the bedside cabinet. Suffice to say that I lived out of the suitcase.
And returning to the theme of "job lots" I can only assume that the company buyer also got a really good deal on the glass bowls that pass as sinks in the bathrooms. These are very modern, and perhaps expensive, but in addition to being rather impractical, they are completely out of place in an old coaching inn (or a young offenders' institute come to that!).
Breakfast was fine - but can I pass on one further tip to the management. The reason that chefs never wash mushrooms is because they are like sponges and soak up water. Can you imagine therefore what happens to a mushroom that has spent a couple of years in a tin of brine? That's right - it will taste of nothing but water. Quite simply - if you can't serve fresh mushrooms - don't serve them at all.
But to go back to the beginning - this hotel is OK. It is clean and reasonably comfortable, and as my heading indicates - a little thought and effort could transform the place into a real gem. Until then I would suggest that you don't come with romantic images in mind - or too many clothes!
And if the company buyers want to see how to decorate and furnish an old coaching inn - can I suggest a visit to the White Hart in Lincoln, which really is a gem.
- Southampton Dolphin Hotel
