Ok, let me start by saying that objectively speaking, it is not a total disaster and I have stayed at worse places before. This is definitely the worst place I ever stayed at that rates itself as a 5 star hotel. This was built in the 70s, and is well kept for an old property (fairly clean), but it is old, and not in a charming way.
1. The matress feels like a marble countertop. My bed at home is pretty hard too, so for me it was manageable, but still a bit too hard. 2 people traveling with me said they could not sleep at all. Pillows seem to be made of stones too.
2. The toilet is leaking - on the above the sewage part, but still.
3. The lobby bar turns on elevator music style piano player, and you can hear it in the room for the whole 2 hrs of the concert every evening. 3 nights in a row so far, extended coverage on Friday.
4. The gym of this 18 story hotel has a total of 3 treadmills and one elliptical. The elliptical was broken. The treadmill I ended up on was very old fashioned, with a solid metal frame. As I was walking on it for some 15 min, a gym attendant came up to me and asked nicely if i was getting any electic shocks from it. She offered me 2 towels to put on the handrails for insulation. I am not kidding.
5. The lobby bar looks like it was built in 1972 and has the appropriate period music on.
6. Most of TV channels got interference so you can't really watch them. No English speaking channels (I speak Spanish so I don't care, but I can see how it could be a turn-off).
7. The mini-bar in the room is locked with a key and you have to call downstairs to get it open. Would not be as bad if they did not keep the coffee packs in there too.
8. Speaking about coffee, breakfast coffee is more like coffee flavored water.
9. Speaking about coffee flavored water, I ordered room service tonight and asked for hot tea - a large pot. I got a large pot of hot coffee flavored water (same breakfast coffee pot..). In case you are not a tea drinker and don't know how bad this tastes, imagine that your coffee was brewed with tea instead of water. Same stuff. The problem did eventually get resolved, but it took 75 min and 2 coffee pots.
I am writing this about 2 hrs after I ordered my tea, and about 45 min after I finally received it, so I am still irritated, but hopefully staying objective...
Is this place terrible? No. No major health threats (though don't use the 'ice machine' - I saw the bucket they pour the ice from...). No real safety issues. The employees are friendly.
Would I stay here again? Absolutely not, and would not recommend it to anyone.
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC