I chose to stay at the Malliouhana based on the glowing reviews on this website. I've usually had a good experience, however, something is completely off with respect to reviews concerning this resort. We stayed just over a year ago, so this review is long overdue.
Traveling with young children, it was essential that we find a place that 1) had all the comforts of the exceptional neighboring resorts on the island, and 2) was family-friendly. The playground was a huge draw for us.
Unfortunately, the resort disappointed us so much that we cancelled our reservation after 24 hours and switched hotels. Here is why:
1) The resort is outdated and is in desperate need of a renovation. The rooms are cold and characterless, with creaking doors. The common areas are not well-kept. The resort is unremarkable in every way, especially in comparison to the others on the island.
2) The restaurant at the hotel has an early seating for families. We had to dine before 7:30, which is usually more than okay with us (we normally dine at 6:00 at most places). Unfortunately, for adults who actually choose to dine with their families - we were only able to order from the room service menu at the restaurant. Yes, you read that right. The menu given to our family at the early "family seating" was the room service menu. This was completely absurd and insulting, and has never happened to our family anywhere, EVER. The service was also completely underwhelming - mostly rude and spotty.
3) The playground was old, not well-kept (dirty leaves floating in the water), and is located off the main premises of the hotel. Honestly, even though we loved the idea of having our children play in something fun, it was pretty disgusting, for lack of a better word.
4) The price to stay at this hotel is equivalent (if not more than) some of the other neighboring resorts, that are truly luxurious.
5) We had a waterbug issue in our bathroom our first night. Unacceptable for a resort charging this much money. Also unacceptable for people travel with young children.
After arriving and checking into the hotel with our family, we were absolutely heartbroken. Even the landscaping on the property is completely unimpressive. We've stayed at various Four Seasons, One&Only and Rosewood Resorts around the world, and this resort paled in comparison. Even though we had already unpacked our belongings, we spent our first evening calling AMEX and made arrangements to leave the following morning. We were lucky to find a room at the nearby CuisinArt, where we paid much less for an oceanfront room. The service was top-notch, the resort was lovely, and the staff was really warm and welcoming of our children, despite not having a playground. We enjoy carefree evenings playing bocce ball and dining at their evening barbecues. We were also fortunate to check out Cap Juluca during our stay for dinner one evening. And Cap Juluca was simply spectacular, from what we could see.
In sum, I have no idea why the Malliouhana Hotel comes so highly recommended. There are plenty of other resorts we have stayed at in the Caribbean and Central America that are family-friendly and spectacular in every way (Jumby Bay, Four Seasons Peninsula Papagayo). In many ways, this place felt like a third-rate motel. We even spoke with taxi drivers on the island over the course of our stay, and asked them what they thought of the Malliouhana. All of them mentioned that it's simply not what it used to be...
I would strongly advise anyone against staying at this resort. When we called AMEX to change our trip, the travel specialist we spoke with actually mentioned that there was a reason why they have not partnered with the Malliouhana (and they did with Cap Juluca and CuisinArt). Although we also hear that the new Viceroy is wonderful. Simply put, for the same price, you can stay somewhere else and have a truly magnificent experience.
This review is the subjective opinion of a TripAdvisor member and not of TripAdvisor LLC